Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
