i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
