Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
