just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
