happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
