a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Randomize
