her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
