I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize