Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I hate all girls vehemently.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
