They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
