A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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