the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
