Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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