Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
