Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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