I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize