Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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