I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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