I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My vagina is officially offended.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
