She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
