I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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