Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Damn victory sex feels great
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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