the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize