It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
