Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
