there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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