His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
