yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
