spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
