So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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