Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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