i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
