Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
