But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize