We're like a lot better than the average bears
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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