She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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