I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
