Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize