This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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