I don't usually arrange sex via text message
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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