The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
