OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
