I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
