turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
