I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
