I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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