I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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