I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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