Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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