So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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