We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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