you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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