Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
