she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize