Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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