so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
