Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
