I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
