y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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