oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
tell me about the fingering
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