Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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