maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize