chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize