I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
