I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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