Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
