btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
