I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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