Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize