look no pants
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
