In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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