My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My vagina is officially offended.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
