Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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