Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
