brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Pants are for mortals
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