Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
