just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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