We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
