You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
