You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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