Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
