Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
