I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
