last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
