i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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