God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
