Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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