people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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