Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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