yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
