Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
