maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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