all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
