I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
porn star boner night. come get it.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
