You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
