Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
