Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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