When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
