I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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