I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
