have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
