Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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