At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
