Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
