He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
