i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
