3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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